[still shaking that you thought this last minute pc would be about todomatsu and i assumed it was to get this over with, are we the dummies who cannot communicate?

Anyway she lights on the ground and her anxiety only triples. One of her hands shakes and the other grips it to quiet the tremors.]

I didn't want you to be carrying me for this. Just in case. Um.

[She takes a deep breath.]

I have been having some troubles of my own. Outside of tonight. And...frankly? One already went pretty badly, and I got scared of thinking about people like that again. Just because it would be terrible to lose any one of the good friends we have. Don't you think? It's not like there's many places to hide from each other, there's only forty or so of us aboard.

But if tomorrow comes and it's an end, no matter what kind of end it is, we should all be a little braver, right? [Her lips pull between her teeth. Her watery eyes dart between his.] So I should be honest and say — I don't quite know when, or what it might have been, but you...you've come to mean a great deal to me. A great deal more than I've realized.

[Okay she can't look at him she can't. Her head ducks and she makes her plea to the ground.]

And I don't expect anything. I really don't. And it's not love, it. Um. I don't know. That takes so much longer to build than anyone thinks, but it is something. And I should be honest and let you know, so that...I don't take it home with me.

[She could choke. She really could just die right now.]

My timing is wretched, I know, and I really, really, didn't mean to hurt Totty, but I can't lie to myself either.

So. There you have it. I can walk myself home now. [Her head nods, rapid. She swipes at a fresh tear, as if the speed can hide the gesture.] You can head back if you like.