[still shaking that you thought this last minute pc would be about todomatsu and i assumed it was to get this over with, are we the dummies who cannot communicate?
Anyway she lights on the ground and her anxiety only triples. One of her hands shakes and the other grips it to quiet the tremors.]
I didn't want you to be carrying me for this. Just in case. Um.
[She takes a deep breath.]
I have been having some troubles of my own. Outside of tonight. And...frankly? One already went pretty badly, and I got scared of thinking about people like that again. Just because it would be terrible to lose any one of the good friends we have. Don't you think? It's not like there's many places to hide from each other, there's only forty or so of us aboard.
But if tomorrow comes and it's an end, no matter what kind of end it is, we should all be a little braver, right? [Her lips pull between her teeth. Her watery eyes dart between his.] So I should be honest and say — I don't quite know when, or what it might have been, but you...you've come to mean a great deal to me. A great deal more than I've realized.
[Okay she can't look at him she can't. Her head ducks and she makes her plea to the ground.]
And I don't expect anything. I really don't. And it's not love, it. Um. I don't know. That takes so much longer to build than anyone thinks, but it is something. And I should be honest and let you know, so that...I don't take it home with me.
[She could choke. She really could just die right now.]
My timing is wretched, I know, and I really, really, didn't mean to hurt Totty, but I can't lie to myself either.
So. There you have it. I can walk myself home now. [Her head nods, rapid. She swipes at a fresh tear, as if the speed can hide the gesture.] You can head back if you like.
[ i truly thought this was going to be drunk ecats
maybe it's the booze, but she's being so much braver than he's been. he listens in a sort of stunned quiet, eyes wide when he realizes what's... happening... after these two months he's made timid, and it's so stupid, because they're both lively and gregarious and now he's afraid of saying the wrong thing, and she's driven herself to frustrated tears.
weeks now, they've stumbled through these things. we'll figure it out together. we have each other. he reaches out, swiping the tear away with the side of his thumb, careful of his nails. his hand lingers there for a moment, before resting against her cheek. ]
Rosamund...
[ the timing is hard, because it makes sense—tomorrow could be a world-rending battle and there is no guarantee of the day after—and it also doesn't—because there's already so much happening. todomatsu... he's grateful he's sober, because he'd stumble over his words worse if he wasn't. ]
I do care for you a great deal—I love you. [ he's said as much, here and again, and it's not hard to repeat now. ] The kind you mean is... it does take time. Yet I do love you very much. I would feel that way whether tomorrow brings about the end of us all or not.
[ so then what? his own heart feels confused, like it's too quick and too slow. ]
You're very important to me—I don't intend to walk away. [ they don't have to figure it all out in a night, but also, she's approaching him like her hopes are already dashed, and that breaks his heart a little. ]
Her breath stops short when he clears the tear away. It draws her eyes back to him, draws her faith back to herself, little of it there may be.
And he says it. Doesn't dance around it as she does, but he hands a different expectation on it. Not a no, but not a yes either. A simple declaration: I care, and I care about you. It's the shape of that care that makes her anxious.]
No?
[No need for distance? Gentle words to let her down by?
It doesn't feel like an answer at all. She said she didn't expect anything but perhaps that's less than true. Knowing one way or another should be preferable. Right? She didn't get to prepare herself for this. Hadn't planned on saying anything, ever. The liquor made her bold and the past month's miseries ganged up on her, and then Totty put himself on the line in front of everyone and it makes her feel rather fatalistic about things. Why not today? No one is promised tomorrow.
...She's hardly making sense.
Rosamund nods. Works her tongue back into shape.]
All right. [Does it mean he's open to the idea? Or just hoping they'll still be friends? Do Zora have different customs? Expectations? What if he is simply not into humans?] But you'll let me know if I do something that bothers you, won't you?
I don't want to lose you.
[Not again. In ways wholly different but threaded with the same string.]
[ where her mind wanders, his thoughts loop around in the same, wild circles, and he doesn't even have any alcohol to blame. how much is she asking for? what can he give? are they on the same page, or is this just two deeply affectionate people shooting at very different marks? he takes a breath, shutting his eyes for a moment. the vagueness doesn't help. they'd talked about it. he knows this from experience how difficult it gets to read what caring and loving and all those things look like, how easy it is to stumble around and tread indelicately.
except maybe now he's trying too hard to dodge stepping on any toes. softly, ]
You don't need to worry about that. You would never lose me, not for anything.
[ he opens his eyes again, meeting hers. he searches there for a moment, but obviously there's no easy answers, or right time, or anything else. no amount of princely vocabulary is helping him articulate his thoughts or quantify his feelings. so, whatever. to hell with it. ]
Rosamund, can I kiss you? [ he did ask this, nearly two months ago. even that's become less simple. ]
[If he feels his heart freeze in his chest, don't mind it. That's just the echo of hers as her head lifts and her eyes widen. The ship itself seems to quiet under the impact of the question.]
Yes.
[It's a bad night. Bad timing. She's a mess and he's too gracious, and anyone might walk past at a moment's notice.]
Yes, you may.
[She extends her hands, to take his or put upon him remains to be seen. Whatever he prefers.
There never was another answer. She'd never say no. Not to him.]
[ it is bad timing. if she hadn't just thrown up a bunch of flowers to sober up some, it wouldn't be happening at all. but despite the wrongness, there is a sort of easy relief that works itself loose from his nerves when the pieces slide into place and things sort of—make sense, for once. they really did end up torturing themselves.
so he nods, dipping in enough that her hands can find a place on his shoulders, and there is no pause when he kisses her, hand still resting against her cheek. it's gentle, but deliberately so, and not for any lack of conviction. and it's... nice? and it's warm, and simpler than he expects. there's been a lot of kissing between all the games and curses and everything else, even between the two of them, but it hits very differently when it's on your own terms.
just a couple sweet seconds and he draws back. ]
...Whatever's happened, don't be afraid. [ they're on the same page, even if neither of them really knows what that means exactly and there's no time to figure it out. he's still her friend, as much as anything else. it'd be nice if she felt she could be brave again, as she often fiercely is.
but then he smiles, because the gravitas of this is starting to make him feel sheepish. ] I will make the same amount of mistakes tenfold and make you look much better, don't worry.
[She thinks, madly, of the way she'd pulled a chair over to make this easier at the first party. Back then it was very new and very silly, and everyone was strangers and she'd only just realized that kisses didn't have to mean so much.
Some still do.
He's very tender with her. She's grown to dislike being treated as fragile, but it's not that sort of softness. This is more appreciative. Maybe reserved, the weight of the moment pressing both down to timidity. It doesn't stop her pulse from pounding in her ears, or her chest from squeezing flat, for a blank, bright cacophony to stun her mind to silence.
It ends. He pulls away and her heart remembers how to beat again. Her mouth takes a little longer on the uptake.]
[ don't worry, gentleness is as much for him as her. it's been a long couple months. for someone who tends to run face-first into things, this in particular is something he's trying to handle delicately. probably why he's doing such a bad job, actually.
he laughs, putting his hands atop of hers. ]
We can compare scars.
[ he feels a little lighter, but also sort of abuzz, everywhere, if also kind of—guilty. it's a lot. he tries to breathe it out in a huff, a ruffle of all his fins. ]
—I'm rather done with partying. [ he loves celebrations, but a private moment with someone is just as nice. ] Let's go get some water? Sounds like we've things to catch up on.
[The laughter tugs a smile from her, and the warmth of his hand draws her a little bit further from the stupor. His fins do that darling ruffle and she has to hold herself back from reaching for one. He has no idea of his own charms, does he?]
I'd like that. [She nods her head, blowing out a measured breath, a tentative grin edging onto her cheeks.] I'd like that very much, Sidon.
[Maybe this is all right? Definitions should be left for definite feelings. They're still working it out on both ends, and with a battle incoming it's easy to rush things. Dion had told her about that, as had Margaret and Harley. She doesn't want that, not yet. Maybe someday?
She hadn't started that whole Never Have I Ever mess without reason. It makes her envious to think about, just not enough to delve into yet. Talk is better. Good company is better.
And Sidon is the best company of all.
She moves her hand to take his, properly, and motions with her head towards the dorms.]
[ it'd be much easier to rush headlong into something—it fits better with his modus operandi too, actually. of course he'd get caught up in a flurry of feelings when there's a huge battle on the horizon, one that'd make his blood boil.
but it feels more right not to, just this once. the smile she finds is proof of that, and he mirrors it. ]
Let's!
[ bye forever party, hello dorms. he gives her a minute to get situated, long enough to fetch her a water bottle and seat himself beside her bed. he's tall enough that the ground is often the easiest perch. handing her the water, ]
What a way to round off our journey, hm? [ this mess of a party, and a battle with a god. ]
Indeed. [Said with a sigh and a heavy flop onto the bed cushions. Her water is off on the bedside stand, and she lets herself lay down to comfort her spinning head. She does bring her knees in though, making room for Sidon to sit.
It's rather unfair that he has to move so preciously throughout the ship, she thinks. He's so tall and scarcely anything accommodates him. Rosamund rolls onto her side, pulling a pillow under her head as she ponders him.]
It's kind of nice, though? That everyone's so open to celebrating, whenever they can. We could be going into this very grimly and seriously.
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Anyway she lights on the ground and her anxiety only triples. One of her hands shakes and the other grips it to quiet the tremors.]
I didn't want you to be carrying me for this. Just in case. Um.
[She takes a deep breath.]
I have been having some troubles of my own. Outside of tonight. And...frankly? One already went pretty badly, and I got scared of thinking about people like that again. Just because it would be terrible to lose any one of the good friends we have. Don't you think? It's not like there's many places to hide from each other, there's only forty or so of us aboard.
But if tomorrow comes and it's an end, no matter what kind of end it is, we should all be a little braver, right? [Her lips pull between her teeth. Her watery eyes dart between his.] So I should be honest and say — I don't quite know when, or what it might have been, but you...you've come to mean a great deal to me. A great deal more than I've realized.
[Okay she can't look at him she can't. Her head ducks and she makes her plea to the ground.]
And I don't expect anything. I really don't. And it's not love, it. Um. I don't know. That takes so much longer to build than anyone thinks, but it is something. And I should be honest and let you know, so that...I don't take it home with me.
[She could choke. She really could just die right now.]
My timing is wretched, I know, and I really, really, didn't mean to hurt Totty, but I can't lie to myself either.
So. There you have it. I can walk myself home now. [Her head nods, rapid. She swipes at a fresh tear, as if the speed can hide the gesture.] You can head back if you like.
no subject
maybe it's the booze, but she's being so much braver than he's been. he listens in a sort of stunned quiet, eyes wide when he realizes what's... happening... after these two months he's made timid, and it's so stupid, because they're both lively and gregarious and now he's afraid of saying the wrong thing, and she's driven herself to frustrated tears.
weeks now, they've stumbled through these things. we'll figure it out together. we have each other. he reaches out, swiping the tear away with the side of his thumb, careful of his nails. his hand lingers there for a moment, before resting against her cheek. ]
Rosamund...
[ the timing is hard, because it makes sense—tomorrow could be a world-rending battle and there is no guarantee of the day after—and it also doesn't—because there's already so much happening. todomatsu... he's grateful he's sober, because he'd stumble over his words worse if he wasn't. ]
I do care for you a great deal—I love you. [ he's said as much, here and again, and it's not hard to repeat now. ] The kind you mean is... it does take time. Yet I do love you very much. I would feel that way whether tomorrow brings about the end of us all or not.
[ so then what? his own heart feels confused, like it's too quick and too slow. ]
You're very important to me—I don't intend to walk away. [ they don't have to figure it all out in a night, but also, she's approaching him like her hopes are already dashed, and that breaks his heart a little. ]
no subject
Her breath stops short when he clears the tear away. It draws her eyes back to him, draws her faith back to herself, little of it there may be.
And he says it. Doesn't dance around it as she does, but he hands a different expectation on it. Not a no, but not a yes either. A simple declaration: I care, and I care about you. It's the shape of that care that makes her anxious.]
No?
[No need for distance? Gentle words to let her down by?
It doesn't feel like an answer at all. She said she didn't expect anything but perhaps that's less than true. Knowing one way or another should be preferable. Right? She didn't get to prepare herself for this. Hadn't planned on saying anything, ever. The liquor made her bold and the past month's miseries ganged up on her, and then Totty put himself on the line in front of everyone and it makes her feel rather fatalistic about things. Why not today? No one is promised tomorrow.
...She's hardly making sense.
Rosamund nods. Works her tongue back into shape.]
All right. [Does it mean he's open to the idea? Or just hoping they'll still be friends? Do Zora have different customs? Expectations? What if he is simply not into humans?] But you'll let me know if I do something that bothers you, won't you?
I don't want to lose you.
[Not again. In ways wholly different but threaded with the same string.]
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except maybe now he's trying too hard to dodge stepping on any toes. softly, ]
You don't need to worry about that. You would never lose me, not for anything.
[ he opens his eyes again, meeting hers. he searches there for a moment, but obviously there's no easy answers, or right time, or anything else. no amount of princely vocabulary is helping him articulate his thoughts or quantify his feelings. so, whatever. to hell with it. ]
Rosamund, can I kiss you? [ he did ask this, nearly two months ago. even that's become less simple. ]
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Yes.
[It's a bad night. Bad timing. She's a mess and he's too gracious, and anyone might walk past at a moment's notice.]
Yes, you may.
[She extends her hands, to take his or put upon him remains to be seen. Whatever he prefers.
There never was another answer. She'd never say no. Not to him.]
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so he nods, dipping in enough that her hands can find a place on his shoulders, and there is no pause when he kisses her, hand still resting against her cheek. it's gentle, but deliberately so, and not for any lack of conviction. and it's... nice? and it's warm, and simpler than he expects. there's been a lot of kissing between all the games and curses and everything else, even between the two of them, but it hits very differently when it's on your own terms.
just a couple sweet seconds and he draws back. ]
...Whatever's happened, don't be afraid. [ they're on the same page, even if neither of them really knows what that means exactly and there's no time to figure it out. he's still her friend, as much as anything else. it'd be nice if she felt she could be brave again, as she often fiercely is.
but then he smiles, because the gravitas of this is starting to make him feel sheepish. ] I will make the same amount of mistakes tenfold and make you look much better, don't worry.
no subject
Some still do.
He's very tender with her. She's grown to dislike being treated as fragile, but it's not that sort of softness. This is more appreciative. Maybe reserved, the weight of the moment pressing both down to timidity. It doesn't stop her pulse from pounding in her ears, or her chest from squeezing flat, for a blank, bright cacophony to stun her mind to silence.
It ends. He pulls away and her heart remembers how to beat again. Her mouth takes a little longer on the uptake.]
I don't know. I've got a pretty good head start.
no subject
he laughs, putting his hands atop of hers. ]
We can compare scars.
[ he feels a little lighter, but also sort of abuzz, everywhere, if also kind of—guilty. it's a lot. he tries to breathe it out in a huff, a ruffle of all his fins. ]
—I'm rather done with partying. [ he loves celebrations, but a private moment with someone is just as nice. ] Let's go get some water? Sounds like we've things to catch up on.
[ she can go to bed while they gab. ]
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I'd like that. [She nods her head, blowing out a measured breath, a tentative grin edging onto her cheeks.] I'd like that very much, Sidon.
[Maybe this is all right? Definitions should be left for definite feelings. They're still working it out on both ends, and with a battle incoming it's easy to rush things. Dion had told her about that, as had Margaret and Harley. She doesn't want that, not yet. Maybe someday?
She hadn't started that whole Never Have I Ever mess without reason. It makes her envious to think about, just not enough to delve into yet. Talk is better. Good company is better.
And Sidon is the best company of all.
She moves her hand to take his, properly, and motions with her head towards the dorms.]
Shall we?
no subject
but it feels more right not to, just this once. the smile she finds is proof of that, and he mirrors it. ]
Let's!
[ bye forever party, hello dorms. he gives her a minute to get situated, long enough to fetch her a water bottle and seat himself beside her bed. he's tall enough that the ground is often the easiest perch. handing her the water, ]
What a way to round off our journey, hm? [ this mess of a party, and a battle with a god. ]
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It's rather unfair that he has to move so preciously throughout the ship, she thinks. He's so tall and scarcely anything accommodates him. Rosamund rolls onto her side, pulling a pillow under her head as she ponders him.]
It's kind of nice, though? That everyone's so open to celebrating, whenever they can. We could be going into this very grimly and seriously.