[she only ever gets hugs from sidon!!! and like, temenos, but he doesn't count. everybody else is too afraid to touch her,
so he pulls her in and she just stays there, closing her eyes. doesn't it sound like something you'd dream up? it sort of does. it's not what she pictured, but then again, she's not even really sure if she ever has pictured anything at all.
and even if it ends up being a lie, that she dies, or he dies, or - anybody does, it's still a comfort to hear.]
... Mm.
[and then after a moment, quiet and tired and a little wry:]
but this is fine. he doesn't need her to pore over a traumatizing experience in detail unless she wants to—as friends do after a hard day, he'll just talk about whatever. they're truly free to do whatever. ]
You say that, but I mostly got in your way. [ she was good with a knife for a literal child. ] But you were adorable yourself, you know. I think I saw you bite someone?
[she really did just tell him the whole cyoa in a sentence, and it really does not make any sense in context or out of context
but she's fine to do this - it feels less... bad, to pretend like she's fine. letting people see her upset always leaves a faint sense of guilt and shame behind, and she's so tired that she isn't sure she can manage to hold those emotions on top of her severe trauma that got jack-in-the-boxed at during this mission, so.
[ this is fine i never understand cyoas until i read them at endgame and now neither will sidon
they can pretend to have a normal moment even though she is covered in dried gore and apples and she was clearly not doing fine. sometimes, feeling better can mean cuddling a little and having a laugh on the worst day of your life.
speaking of, he's on the verge of another chuckle. ]
You didn't really need weapons against Arthur...? Poor man was just trying to help you.
anyway she misses her last chance to take him out ]
You looked like you'd had practice.
[ he's royalty, but he can take a guess what sort of child needs to be armed to earn their food. ] ...I imagine in a city like yours, not everyone could afford a comfortable life.
[ that shouldn't be an easy answer. his own father could be strict with him, but that's normal—that's the average sort of discipline a parent shows because they care enough to teach a life lesson. he never had to question whether he'd earned a place to stay or a meal to eat or if he'd feel the sting of a whip.
if he had a proper brow, it'd furrow, but instead there's a sharpness in his eyes; they're more sharklike when the usual, friendly sparkle isn't there. ]
Then I shudder to think what his punishments were like.
... That's all I've done my whole life. I'm assigned a target or a house that has angered the wrong people and I... clean. [...] I don't want to do that anymore.
[ he meets her eyes, letting his expression ease back into something warm. he feels outrage for her sake, naturally, but there's a natural priority to smile. ]
...Good. I hope you never have to raise your blade for any cause that isn't yours again.
[ no one should have their own family point a finger and demand death. this explains a lot about... everything he'd felt from her before. ]
You deserve your own life.
[ if you get rnged to kill i will be so sad so enjoy endgame ]
[ listens to this and immediately makes myself sad!! cool!!!!!
she still wears that collar; he sees her touch it from time to time, when she's drawn off in a thought. is it a symbol of restraint? something else?
he just hopes she really is free. ]
Kindness isn't a transaction. You don't owe me anything and you never will.
[ there is no favor here. he wants her to know that no matter what, there is no need for a give or take with him. HOWEVER, ]
But if you want to make me happy, you can do your best to keep the rest of your limbs. [ more seriously: ] What would bring me the most joy is seeing you safe. I... realize that's quite the ask. [ because they can't control anything here. ] But seeing you like this...
[ she's still covered in gore. thursdays are really hard! really bad. please don't get sucked into a cyoa black hole again. ]
kindness isn't a transaction, he says, and she thinks about that, looking down at her hands. at her remaining limbs. it makes her laugh a bit when he brings it up, just a little huff of a sound, but it's something.]
... I can't promise anything. [she says, finally, picking the dried gore off of her fingers.] But I'll do my best to keep my limbs.
[seeing you like this, he says, and she just kind of exhales, trying not to breathe too much of it in.]
Do you want to know something ridiculous? I don't like the smell of blood.
[she's an asssasin and yet. it makes her feel sick.]
he smiles, even if it's only got as much humor as her laugh. they're doing their best. ]
It'd be more ridiculous if you liked it!
[ what she really needs is to be thrown in the one working shower for three hours, but for now he goes to fetch one of those small, metal washbasins that come with hospitals, and a small towel, which he douses and wrings out as he speaks. ]
Here, give me your hands. [ he can at least clean those off. ] I don't think it's bad to find it unpleasant, no matter how often you've seen it. You said you're used to—so many terrible things. Isn't it good, that you never became used to blood?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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so he pulls her in and she just stays there, closing her eyes. doesn't it sound like something you'd dream up? it sort of does. it's not what she pictured, but then again, she's not even really sure if she ever has pictured anything at all.
and even if it ends up being a lie, that she dies, or he dies, or - anybody does, it's still a comfort to hear.]
... Mm.
[and then after a moment, quiet and tired and a little wry:]
I'd almost prefer being a child again.
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he has extra fins today, ruffling off of him like some oversized beta fish, and they ripple with a short laugh, one that rumbles against her. ]
We nearly died! But, ah—it was good fun.
[ he'd been scared in the moment, but it went fine actually. they can talk about simpler times (literally the day before) simpler times ]
I was a very timid and clumsy child, though. I prefer where I am now.
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You were very cute. [she says, a little teasing as she looks up at him.] But we managed. You were very brave to help me the way you did.
I suppose that hasn't stopped. You still do.
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but this is fine. he doesn't need her to pore over a traumatizing experience in detail unless she wants to—as friends do after a hard day, he'll just talk about whatever. they're truly free to do whatever. ]
You say that, but I mostly got in your way. [ she was good with a knife for a literal child. ] But you were adorable yourself, you know. I think I saw you bite someone?
[ he might be teasing back, just a little. ]
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but she's fine to do this - it feels less... bad, to pretend like she's fine. letting people see her upset always leaves a faint sense of guilt and shame behind, and she's so tired that she isn't sure she can manage to hold those emotions on top of her severe trauma that got jack-in-the-boxed at during this mission, so.
instead, she musters up a nose wrinkle at him.]
... Teeth are good weapons in a pinch. [okay]
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they can pretend to have a normal moment even though she is covered in dried gore and apples and she was clearly not doing fine. sometimes, feeling better can mean cuddling a little and having a laugh on the worst day of your life.
speaking of, he's on the verge of another chuckle. ]
You didn't really need weapons against Arthur...? Poor man was just trying to help you.
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I was doing fine. [huff.] I've fought bigger.
[don't pout you were six]
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Yes, I'm sure you have. [ PATS HER HEAD LIKE THE POUTY BABY SHE IS he is definitely teasing now ] Consider, however, that you were barely a tadpole.
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she looks like she is considering biting him, now. she does not.]
... I fought plenty at that age. [she says, blowing her hair out of her face where he patted it.] I had to eat, after all.
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anyway she misses her last chance to take him out ]
You looked like you'd had practice.
[ he's royalty, but he can take a guess what sort of child needs to be armed to earn their food. ] ...I imagine in a city like yours, not everyone could afford a comfortable life.
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she's quiet for a moment, like she's thinking this over, and then:]
... Yes, but that wasn't the reason. [she absently touches the collar around her neck.] Father could afford to do whatever he wanted, I'm sure.
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his mind goes to the quote on her profile. ]
Then... why? If you don't mind sharing.
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[as she says this, one of her arms is shifting. turning carapace-like, brown. a little roachy.]
Food and a place to stay was decent incentive.
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he watches this transformation but doesn't react, not outwardly. a gift? he has so many questions. ]
...Your father didn't give those to you unconditionally?
cw: implied child abuse
she glances at him.]
No. [easy enough.] Father was kinder than Mother. She enjoyed any chance she had to use her whip.
... I preferred her punishments to his, though.
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if he had a proper brow, it'd furrow, but instead there's a sharpness in his eyes; they're more sharklike when the usual, friendly sparkle isn't there. ]
Then I shudder to think what his punishments were like.
They would have you hurt people?
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[she says, finally, tilting her head back.]
... That's all I've done my whole life. I'm assigned a target or a house that has angered the wrong people and I... clean. [...] I don't want to do that anymore.
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...Good. I hope you never have to raise your blade for any cause that isn't yours again.
[ no one should have their own family point a finger and demand death. this explains a lot about... everything he'd felt from her before. ]
You deserve your own life.
[ if you get rnged to kill i will be so sad so enjoy endgame ]
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Thank you. [she says finally, swallowing a little hard.] I want nothing more than to be free.
[she rests a hand on his arm.]
You've been so kind to me, Sidon. I hope I can return the favor.
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she still wears that collar; he sees her touch it from time to time, when she's drawn off in a thought. is it a symbol of restraint? something else?
he just hopes she really is free. ]
Kindness isn't a transaction. You don't owe me anything and you never will.
[ there is no favor here. he wants her to know that no matter what, there is no need for a give or take with him. HOWEVER, ]
But if you want to make me happy, you can do your best to keep the rest of your limbs. [ more seriously: ] What would bring me the most joy is seeing you safe. I... realize that's quite the ask. [ because they can't control anything here. ] But seeing you like this...
[ she's still covered in gore. thursdays are really hard! really bad. please don't get sucked into a cyoa black hole again. ]
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kindness isn't a transaction, he says, and she thinks about that, looking down at her hands. at her remaining limbs. it makes her laugh a bit when he brings it up, just a little huff of a sound, but it's something.]
... I can't promise anything. [she says, finally, picking the dried gore off of her fingers.] But I'll do my best to keep my limbs.
[seeing you like this, he says, and she just kind of exhales, trying not to breathe too much of it in.]
Do you want to know something ridiculous? I don't like the smell of blood.
[she's an asssasin and yet. it makes her feel sick.]
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he smiles, even if it's only got as much humor as her laugh. they're doing their best. ]
It'd be more ridiculous if you liked it!
[ what she really needs is to be thrown in the one working shower for three hours, but for now he goes to fetch one of those small, metal washbasins that come with hospitals, and a small towel, which he douses and wrings out as he speaks. ]
Here, give me your hands. [ he can at least clean those off. ] I don't think it's bad to find it unpleasant, no matter how often you've seen it. You said you're used to—so many terrible things. Isn't it good, that you never became used to blood?