[i think sidon might be the only person she talks to tonight that she isn't instantly icy and withdrawn to, actually!
she's standing in a hallway, arms folded, holding viktor's stupid book. she glances up at sidon when she sees him, and just watches. the distance behind her eyes eases, and comes into focus.]
... It's not over, Sidon. We still have six weeks.
[because this is going to happen again and again and again. she's sure of it. she swallows hard, but. he gestures to the benches, and she nods a little. she'll go with him.]
[he's right - it is different. it's awful and painful. there's no emotion sharing this week, but it's not hard to tell that she's furious. it's cold. insidious. but it is anger.]
I am. [...] I received a note that informed me that something overcame Scien. A violent urge that made him act out of control. I imagine this happened to Eunhyuk, too.
... Viktor couldn't run very far without coughing up blood. He was in constant pain, from when he woke up to when he went to sleep. And he still offered me the bed in our room anyway.
[it's very, very hard for her to not hate eunhyuk for killing viktor, regardless of circumstance.]
[ he's not an angry person by nature, but oh is it tempting to try to reach for fury sometimes. maybe it's cathartic.
except it doesn't seem to make her happier. ]
...Yes. I felt it last week. It takes a remarkable person to stay so kind. His thoughts were with helping others. And... living. For someone to suffer such terrible pain—he wasn't seeking release. How strong was his spirit to want more time instead...?
[ even if it's not emotionshare, it's not like that's the only way to read a person. the frigid air of her anger is palpable. the hurt across his face is genuine. ]
Eunhyuk is my friend. But it's still... hard to lose someone as brilliant as Viktor. And I know you cared for him very much.
[it really doesn't. in fact - it seems to make her more miserable, but she doesn't really know how to regulate it. she's never been in a situation where she's able to not be this, cold and distant and furious. but she gravitates towards warmth, and sidon is that. warmth. care.
she drags in a breath, and it's sideways and wrong and it hurts. but it hurts less when she exhales it.]
He was... he was so kind to me, when he didn't need to be. [she says, and her voice maybe cracks a little with it.] I am... I am used to friends killing friends. This was not the first time and it will not be the last.
[ tired is a good word for it. what a tiresome week.
he will give her a hug if she allows it, or a hand otherwise. ]
These are not things for you to suffer even once, dear Throné.
[ he's felt this way too many times for her. from all that she's mentioned to him, she's grown accustomed to too many aches: predators, violence between friends, a deep sadness and anger. if he's warm, it's only because he grew up loved, not always free of danger but dodging cruelty. he wishes he were more like mipha in this moment—gentle and comforting—but he can only hold more fiercely than his sister did. ]
We may continue to face tragedy, but you never need to bear it alone.
[she does allow it! maybe surprisingly. or maybe not surprisingly - she's let sidon get away with a lot.
she turns into it, even, just a little, resting her head against him and closing her eyes. just this once. just this once she lets herself be less guarded, because today was hard and knowing the truth doesn't make her feel any better. it just makes her feel hollowed out.
she reaches for the kindness she's felt from people here because she's never known it, and she doesn't really care if it hurts. it's better to have had it at all.
throné breathes in, shivery and a little wet, and tries to shakes the tension out of her shoulders.]
... I know. Thank you. [she mumbles.] I'm... trying.
[ one day he'll mess up her hair bad enough that she kills him. until then, she can keep getting hugs. he's not warm or especially soft but he's solid and he holds her firmly, as long as she wants. ]
I know you are! Otherwise I couldn't be here.
[ and to be honest—his spirits rise too, able to rally a smile as he keeps this up until her shoulders even out and his own chest aches less. it helps, holding people, being held, being accepted and accepting—not going through this alone is for his own sake, too. ]
The important thing is to never let our spirits break. And I— [ he takes a deep breath. he thinks about viktor and eunhyuk. ] —I'm grateful, for every friend I still have left to protect. Like you.
[yeah one day he's gonna ruffle her hair and she's going to instinctively fishicide, but for now - she's fine with this. it's kind of a relief to be less angry. it kind of hurts after a while.
she hums, just a bit, when he says that last bit, and pulls back to look up at him.]
And you'll let them protect you too, won't you? [right sidon. you'll let your friends take care of you.]
[ he'll let her free of the hug when the tension drains away a bit—that coil of anger in her was wound tight enough to feel—letting out a little puff of laughter. ]
Ah, of course... of course! [ he hadn't actually been thinking about that, but since he's been called out, wow. ] Though, you don't... need to put yourself in harm's way? I'm really quite strong!
I won't. [put herself in harm's way - she's not a very self-sacrificial person most of the time. there are definitely circumstances where she might be, but mostly...]
You can be very strong and still get hurt. And I can protect you in lots of ways.
[ the best way to protect him is for her to stay safe. but she doesn't seem reckless with her own health in that regard, and she's obviously strong... maybe he doesn't have to worry about her too badly in the face of danger. sidon doesn't know how murder proposals work. ]
What sort of ways? [ he manages to sound a little amused, despite how awful the atmosphere of today is. ] I need to get better at defending myself, if I've worried you so.
I have my ways. [the ways are threatening people with a knife] ... It isn't so much that you're not good at defending yourself. I just don't want to lose someone else that I care about.
—You care about me! [ today sucks so bad and this week has been a nightmare, but he looks genuinely pleased for a moment anyway. ] I'm honored, Throné! I care for you very much as well.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w1, SATURDAY
she's standing in a hallway, arms folded, holding viktor's stupid book. she glances up at sidon when she sees him, and just watches. the distance behind her eyes eases, and comes into focus.]
... Well.
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he'll definitely pull himself together once they're in eyeshot of each other though. ]
Well. [ well indeed. ] It's nearly over.
[ there are benches, which isn't a fantastic place to hang out but he'll still gesture to one. they've done this before so it's fine. ]
Will you sit with me? I'm still a bit wearied from this week's journey.
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[because this is going to happen again and again and again. she's sure of it. she swallows hard, but. he gestures to the benches, and she nods a little. she'll go with him.]
I'm sorry. Please rest.
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You're right—it's just that the weight of one day is lighter than six weeks.
[ he is going to deal with today, and tomorrow, and for now that will have to be enough. he observes aloud, ]
You're angry. [ last week was sadness. this feels different. ]
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I am. [...] I received a note that informed me that something overcame Scien. A violent urge that made him act out of control. I imagine this happened to Eunhyuk, too.
... Viktor couldn't run very far without coughing up blood. He was in constant pain, from when he woke up to when he went to sleep. And he still offered me the bed in our room anyway.
[it's very, very hard for her to not hate eunhyuk for killing viktor, regardless of circumstance.]
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except it doesn't seem to make her happier. ]
...Yes. I felt it last week. It takes a remarkable person to stay so kind. His thoughts were with helping others. And... living. For someone to suffer such terrible pain—he wasn't seeking release. How strong was his spirit to want more time instead...?
[ even if it's not emotionshare, it's not like that's the only way to read a person. the frigid air of her anger is palpable. the hurt across his face is genuine. ]
Eunhyuk is my friend. But it's still... hard to lose someone as brilliant as Viktor. And I know you cared for him very much.
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she drags in a breath, and it's sideways and wrong and it hurts. but it hurts less when she exhales it.]
He was... he was so kind to me, when he didn't need to be. [she says, and her voice maybe cracks a little with it.] I am... I am used to friends killing friends. This was not the first time and it will not be the last.
... I'm just very... very tired.
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he will give her a hug if she allows it, or a hand otherwise. ]
These are not things for you to suffer even once, dear Throné.
[ he's felt this way too many times for her. from all that she's mentioned to him, she's grown accustomed to too many aches: predators, violence between friends, a deep sadness and anger. if he's warm, it's only because he grew up loved, not always free of danger but dodging cruelty. he wishes he were more like mipha in this moment—gentle and comforting—but he can only hold more fiercely than his sister did. ]
We may continue to face tragedy, but you never need to bear it alone.
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she turns into it, even, just a little, resting her head against him and closing her eyes. just this once. just this once she lets herself be less guarded, because today was hard and knowing the truth doesn't make her feel any better. it just makes her feel hollowed out.
she reaches for the kindness she's felt from people here because she's never known it, and she doesn't really care if it hurts. it's better to have had it at all.
throné breathes in, shivery and a little wet, and tries to shakes the tension out of her shoulders.]
... I know. Thank you. [she mumbles.] I'm... trying.
[to let people in.]
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I know you are! Otherwise I couldn't be here.
[ and to be honest—his spirits rise too, able to rally a smile as he keeps this up until her shoulders even out and his own chest aches less. it helps, holding people, being held, being accepted and accepting—not going through this alone is for his own sake, too. ]
The important thing is to never let our spirits break. And I— [ he takes a deep breath. he thinks about viktor and eunhyuk. ] —I'm grateful, for every friend I still have left to protect. Like you.
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she hums, just a bit, when he says that last bit, and pulls back to look up at him.]
And you'll let them protect you too, won't you? [right sidon. you'll let your friends take care of you.]
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Ah, of course... of course! [ he hadn't actually been thinking about that, but since he's been called out, wow. ] Though, you don't... need to put yourself in harm's way? I'm really quite strong!
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You can be very strong and still get hurt. And I can protect you in lots of ways.
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What sort of ways? [ he manages to sound a little amused, despite how awful the atmosphere of today is. ] I need to get better at defending myself, if I've worried you so.
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I have my ways. [the ways are threatening people with a knife] ... It isn't so much that you're not good at defending yourself. I just don't want to lose someone else that I care about.
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—You care about me! [ today sucks so bad and this week has been a nightmare, but he looks genuinely pleased for a moment anyway. ] I'm honored, Throné! I care for you very much as well.
[ in case it wasn't incredibly obvious ]
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... Idiot. [but it's very, very fond.] Of course I do.
[a beat.] I'm glad that you do.